He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.
– Ecclesiastes 3:11
Trusting God’s timing is one of the hardest things; especially when you find out that your perfect plan was not from God but only from you.
At the beginning of this year, we mentioned that we were praying about adopting. I researched some organizations. One sounded very systematic and seemed to care little for the heart, another said you can’t adopt if your biological kids are living with you now…. it was interesting to see how different their policies were. There is a big need for more adoption in Japan, knowing that made the strictness of these policies frustrating.
I really liked the organization that our friend recommended. They had adopted a boy through it. It’s Christian organization and seemed to care about both the potential parents as well as the child’s hearts before and after the adoption.
As I was looking for more information, I learned that they required us to have enough money to send the child to university, if the child so desired. I was a little bit concerned about this because we definitely don’t have money for that. We don’t even have money for our boys to go to universities now. How long would it take to adopt if we have to wait until we saved up that much money?! I calmed myself down and reminded myself that money is just money, and God will provide.
Then I found this post.
“Due to the overwhelming number of inquiries we have received and new adoption law which passed in congress in September 2016, we have temporarily stopped accepting new inquiries from prospective international couples as adoptive parents.
International couples, meaning couples like us. I was very discouraged, confused, sad, upset….. very emotional to the point that adoption started controlling my heart.
Over the next few weeks, after I read this, all I could think about finding a solution to this problem to fit MY plan. I had a perfect timeline in my head that went something like this: we will raise support by this time, we will apply for adoption around this time, and we will receive our new child around this time. I was very excited, so it was really saddening to hear that they weren’t accepting new inquiries.
As I prayed to God, he kindly softened my heart and spoke to me revealing how wrong I was. I was seeking first my kingdom instead of His.
Why didn’t I feel happy to know that they are overwhelmed by numbers of inquiries?
Why had I become so caught up in thinking about adoption that I wasn’t taking care of my other responsibilities as a wife, mom, and translator well? It was because I thought my plan was the best and I wasn’t satisfied with God’s plan.
It was not easy to admit my sin. It also wasn’t easy to be satisfied with this situation; not knowing if we would be able to adopt or not. By God’s grace, I have hope in Christ and have joy in what God provides now. His plans are the only plans that do not fail.
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand